Slept in late, nearly 6 o’clock
With my Velcro shoes and compression socks
Put my teeth back in, shuffle down the hall
Gettin’ senior discounts all across the mall
I’m old as f#ck, but I’m young at heart
Finishing a puzzle with a couple of tarts
If I play my cards right, and you catch my lingo
I’ll be takin’ both-a these birds out to bingo
STD’s in nursing homes are on the rise
But let my brittle old bones get between your thighs
We can have some hanky-panky, hump & wheeze
As my saggy old nuts can slap against your knees
Can you turn it down a bit. it’s a bit loud
Help I’ve fallin’ and I can’t up
There’s caffeine in my coffee and I’m all shook up
Grab a quick nap, after coffee row
Then I hop in in my car and drive too slow
With my veterans plates and a handi-cappеd sticker
Corduroy pants that are evеn thicker
Can’t find my wallet, so I have a quick search
Then I got-ta get my #ss off to church
Turn my hearing aids down, nod & smile
Ride my acorn lift, and it takes a while
Grab an early supper, maybe 4 o’clock
Then jeopardy’s on, so it’s time to rock
Get a load of this. It’s the daily double
Play crib, lawn bowl, then I take a swim
Let my nuts hang out when I’m at the gym
Have a quick steam bath, and I’m in the zone
Puttin’-on -stinky old man cologne
Got a new tennis ball at the end of my cane
So I can go off-road on rough terrain
I’m a real crowd pleaser, frail old geezer
I love cross words, and a good brain teaser
Some of these grannies are past their prime
Age is just a number, & they’re better with time
My tuna cas-a-role is always killer
It’s going to be wild, cause it’s pot luck dinner!
You darn kids. Get off my lawn
My joints are acting up, it’s about to rain
& I’m payin’ for prescriptions with a pile of change
Picking up brand new orthetic shoes
And cream for my liver spots & purple bruise
It’s time for my bath, better get the sponge
You can set me in the tub, & I’ll take the plunge
Stroll to the kitchen and I grab some jello
Wink at all the ladies and I give ‘em a “hello.”
Popping some v#agra for an extra boost
This place is full of widows and they’re on the loose
Yeah sure they might have some varicose veins
But get them outta their nighty and they’re off the chains
Well that settles that then
Find more lyrics at westlyrics.com
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