Everybody needs a robot- something I have always said
Everybody needs a friend who’s got shiny metal head
Everybody needs a robot, even if you’ve found someone
Now and then you need a friend with hormones made from Mobil 1
They never need to do their hair
Or change their metal underwear
And robots never seem to care
If you stay out ’till one
They never seem to get depressed
Unless they’re stressed, and frankly that’s less
Common than a politician
Shooting at a friend with someone’s gun
Everybody needs a robot that will tell you you’re the best
Even narcissists and rappers need to get things off their chest
Everybody needs a robot, that’s a simple fact of life
Ira Levin even found a way to make one for a wife
They dance a funky robot way
Caucasians try to imitate
But mostly just humiliate
Themselves and all their friends
They mop the floor inside your home
And call you on the telephone
When you’re alone to ask you if you’d
Like to own a used Mercedes-Benz
Everybody needs a robot, robots never make you cry
Human friends will wither, but your robot pal will never die
Everybody needs a robot with some shiny little lights
So that you can see if there’s a robot watching you at night
They shave our beards and wake us up
They fill your empty coffee cup
And when you want them to shut up
Just turn their volume down
They scan your luggage and your school
They take your cash when you refuel
And even clean your swimming pool
’cause if you held your breath that long you’d drown
Everybody needs a robot on the dashboard of their car
If you try to drive yourself you won’t be getting very far
Everybody needs a robot, artificial friends are neat
Just like every robot needs a friend who’s mostly made of meat
Some are tiny, some are pocket-sized
And some are damn-near rocket-sized
In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if they were bigger still
They make our cars, they heal our cuts
They even save our fleshy butts
From other robots who’ve gone nuts and
Come here from the future dressed to kill
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Matthew Ebel Lyrics – Everybody Needs A Robot