Hey buddy how’s it going
Hey kids get away from there
No get away i told you once already
Oh, so what’s going on, what do you need?
Right yeah umm… i think that’s in aisle 3
So, no man i really don’t mind work on holidays that much
You know it’s alright
I’m here by myself usually, well there was that one time last year
But i don’t know what she told you about this
Alright come here, alright so last year this time you know
I’m working it’s like 2:30 in the morning
I’m at register 1 just like i am now
But it’s like 4 hours around
So really late, and um this kid from the neighborhood
Who i know you know I’ve been sorting ice creams
Just need high too built for stick, you know
Anyway he comes in, he’s all nеrvous
Just looking kinda scared if you know
I saw him looking at him
Next thing i know he pulls out this pistol
And sticks it in my facе and he’s all like
Give me the f#cking money
Give me the god damn money
And I’m like, What the hell are you doing man
I know you, I know your mother, I know your sister
We’re neighborhood people
And he’s like shut the f#ck up and just give me the god damn money
So i can tell he’s visibly nervous, right?
So i.. well there’s a little secret but
I keep a meat cleaver underneath register 1 when I’m working
So anyway i distract the kid just enough time to get the meat cleaver out from under the register
And it chops his f#cking hand off
You know the one with the pistol
So he’s a total disbelief you know he’s just kinda staring at his bloody stomp
Not really screaming but more like moaning kinda like UGGGGHH
You know and I’m.. you know instantly thinking
Well sh#t what do i gotta do i just cut this kids hand off
So i hack him in the face with a meat cleaver
Killed him instantly, you know?
I don’t know what the f#ck i was thinking
I mean i wasn’t trying to kill the kid
He was just trying to take my money
And i work really hard
Anyway
So there i am, its like 2:30 in the morning
There’s this dead f#cking punk kid with a meat cleaver in his face
On the floor, bleeding everywhere
So i just close up the store, turn off the lights, drag his body back to the refrigeration union, you know?
And I’m kinda freaking out a bit a little bit
So i grab a bucket
I clean up the blood, you know pick up the hand with a gun
And little bits of like nose and brains that was on the floor
So i totally clean it up, you cannot tell this anything ever happen, Right?
So i go back to the refrigeration place which is where we also do our butchering, you know?
And i just kinda hang out and oh no f#ck what am i gonna do
I just.. this kid you know? i know his family, sh#t
No one can know about this
So my mind starts wondering a little bit, you know?
Thinking about the store, thinking about my family, like f#ck if i get caught
And i realize that i wasn’t gonna have a meat shipping day for like another two weeks
So I’m knowing this, looking at this kid
And i got this idea
So i pried with a meat cleaver out of his face
And i start hacking him up
You know just like once i got the skin off it was pretty good
You know? i was able to get some stakes and some full ladies
And you know some hamburger meat
So what i could use i ground up into like this chum substance
Put it in aids section, with a fisherman
And the rest of it i just packaged up on this little Styrofoam trays and i waited, priced in, put it in the cooler, you know?
And cause it was a holiday weekend and all the people were barbecue
And man I’m telling you those people ate up that kid, they f#cking loved him
You know they came back to me the next week
Asking me where i got that beef
And how i should get some more from that company
Well maybe let’s say there’s no company
It’s just this kid, you know?
Thats kinda why i don’t like or don’t mind really working on holidays cause aye you’ll never know
Anyway yeah aisle 3 i think that’s where you need to get hot sauce is over there
So anyway have a good holiday ,man
Thanks for coming in to fine food
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