Mister Speaker can you tell me what to do?
I’m really in a hell of a pickle
I’ve got these children and they’re driving me insane;
They’re arrogant and pushy and fickle
I give them everything but that just ain’t enough
They’re always taking cash from the neighbors
Their chores are basic but they always blow them off;
They owe their donors too many favors
Their lives are easy but they don’t evеn show up for their classes
They’rе old enough to drive, but I’m still wiping their asses
Mister Speaker, Mister Speaker what the hell do I do?
Mister Speaker can I kindly pick your brain?
I’ve got to mitigate a disaster
I wanted order, but it’s like Lord of the Flies–
I can’t make them grow up any faster
They can’t control themselves, they fight like rabid dogs
But putting them to sleep’s not an option
Meanwhile my bank account is going down in flames…
Please can I put them up for adoption?
You think by now these little turds would learn some freaking compassion
But self-preoccupation seems their only attraction
Mister Speaker, Mister Speaker what the hell do I do?
Children on the right, children on the left, what am I to do?
This American dream is like a nightmare coming true
Mister Speaker, I’ve a penny for your thoughts–
I think I might have found a solution
You might not like it but something has got to pass
These brats are killing my constitution
I can’t kick ’em out, I gotta wait another year–
You gotta finish up what you started
–but they’re degenerating worse with every day
It’s time the little b#stards departed
The new arrivals won’t shut up, no matter how much I shake ’em
Their elders break their promises as fast as they make ’em
It’s time this tragedy of errors finally ended
’cause this is not the family my forefathers intended
Mister Speaker, Mister Speaker what the hell do I do?
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Matthew Ebel Lyrics – Mister Speaker