That’s the thing about forgiveness
Nothing worth having can be forced. not even life
They told us pressure makes diamonds out of men
We were told the diamond would make us feel better, but maybe we’re just shiny rocks with imaginary value but those diamonds are a girl’s best friend. at least that’s how it goes right?
Who knows? maybe it’s just me who feels imaginary. like i’m roger rabbit
Like my world is real but maybe i’m just a cartoon trying to adjust. or a ghost that doesn’t know he’s dead yet
Sometimes i imagine hearing the director. action he says
I try and i try. rinse and repeat. no matter how deep i get into the script or the character, i never feel like i understand. and it’s just lack of faith. no doubts no. i just don’t know where it’s going
And there’s no one real to call. just performances. no family. no friends. no one picks up the hardline but god or those who would sooner ignore or pervert the dreams into their own nightmares. where i keep the story going by playing all the parts. every set piece built by my hand. from audition to premiere. the all powerful silent director on the other end, breathing on the line
And i can pray. i can say dear god, please remove any inequity. please restore my faith. guide me. please save me. save me
And i end up thinking, in the midst of it all, i’ve known the answer
The problem has always been me. holding on. refusing to give up
Pencils down. test’s over. pass or fail
Save yourself or die in the dirty pool
I can’t deal with the slights n#gg# stop it
Explain it to me asap, you can call me rocky
In the mix and pass out on me, call a doctor
This ain’t for the faint, you know what? matter fact!
I kept it real in the midst, they do me dirty
I just held my breath so long, my tongue is turning purple
Had em where i want em, why’d i have to show them mercy?
Or is that just excuses, you know what? matter fact!
Ugh, i been the bad guy!
I know just what to say to trigger suicides!
I know just what to say to get you crucified! soft spots
I can play the role. i can’t save nobody that need saving till i save myself
If they needed help i had em, but be in that b#tch myself
Where the gang at? talking to myself, sh#t
Matter fact, ain’t this kinda funny how it go?
I was telling everybody that my n#gg#s never fold
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